Alpha with a K
by Chicago4EVERS
Summary: Kamina Allain had given up. On Derek Hale. On Beacon Hills. On family. She was full wolf now, full monster, and no one could pull her back from the bubble of savagery she now surrounded herself with. But when an old enemy returns, she must learn to trust in others, even the ones who betrayed her, to fight a bigger threat to them all.
1. Looking Back

**LOOKING BACK.**

 _Giving up meant leaving the ones I loved behind. Without a goodbye. Without so much as an "I love you". Unless, of course, they caught me in the act._

* * *

 _I stuffed everything I could fit in my duffle bag. Nothing fancy. Nothing sentimental. Just what I needed. Extra clothes. Extra soap. Nothing more._

 _The light shut on unexpectedly and she shuffled in, innocent and sleep-deprived, still covered in bandages._

 _My Minnie Mouse, rubbing her eyes, and squinting at me. There was frustration in her watery eyes._

" _What are you doing?" She whispered._

" _Go back to your room, Mina."_

 _She walked closer, always the hardhead. "Where are you going?"_

 _I huffed out, not mad at her but everything else. "Nowhere. What do you want?"_

" _You're leaving." The water in her eyes spilled over then, and her voice, filled with exhaustion and struggle, grew angry and accusatory. "You're going to leave."_

" _Mina—"_

" _I hate you."_

 _Everything in me halted at that. My breath stalled and I stared at the little person who thought she knew hate enough to say it to her big sister. Her big sister who was leaving her._

 _I wanted to tell her that I was doing this for her. So that no one else got hurt. So that I could learn to control myself and my temper and so no more homicidal maniacs came after this family. I wanted to hug her and explain. I wanted her not to hate me, but maybe hating me was better than loving me because she wouldn't miss me when I was gone._

 _I sighed, sad but resigned."I understand." And I left, leaving her to hate me for the rest of her life._

* * *

 _Giving up meant trying out those who'd left me behind in desperate search of love, of acceptance, of someone strong enough to withstand my enemies. It meant dredging up memories long forgotten and opening up new wounds to find it wasn't worth trying in the first place._

* * *

 _The woman was beautiful. Her kids were gorgeous. Two little girls and a baby boy. I could see my father's reflection in their eyes._

 _The anger boiled up in me before I recognized what it was. That Elle had been right. That he didn't care about us. That he had moved on, but I guess I didn't know how much he had moved on._

 _He had an entirely new family. With two new baby girls and a boy, something he had always wanted. He had the complete set minus Ella and me. He got his happy ending and we got left out in the rain. Wet and unhappy and mourning our dead mother._

 _I waited until the beautiful family rode away in their shiny, new minivan before I approached the house._

 _"Well, I guess Elle owes me an 'I told you so'." I snarked, walking past this stoic man. He held the door open politely, without remorse, without any ounce of apology._

 _"Sakaminella told me you might come here."_

 _"Her name is Ella." My eyes wouldn't meet his, scanning my old house. "And why the fuck would I care what she told you? Why the fuck would I care about any of it? You obviously don't."_

 _The new family, these strangers, their faces covered the walls of my home. The entryway, the living room. The decor was different. The smell was different._

" _Kamina. I am sorry about your mother." His voice rose up behind me. Also different. Just as strange as the people I'd never met living in my home._

" _The hell you are." I scoffed. Tears were burgeoning in my eyes at this house so familiar, but empty of us. Of me and my sister. Of my mother. "Where are we? Did you burn all of our pictures? All of our memories just so your new family didn't have to be reminded of the ones you left behind?"_

 _His face was still. His mouth didn't move._

" _Or did you hide us so they didn't know you left anyone behind?"_

 _His eyes shot to the left, and my own narrowed._

" _Fuck you." He grabbed my arm when I tried to move past him, but I snatched it out of his hold. "Don't fucking touch me."_

 _"You are my daughter. I—"_

 _"You don't get to call me that." I growled at the man. "You have a family already, and you made sure that I wasn't included in it."_

 _"Kamina—"_

 _"I'm done talking to you."_

 _"Kamina please—"_

 _"Don't do that. Don't beg like you deserve something. How lucky did I have to be to have a mother who's dead, and a father who doesn't want me?" A maniacal laugh rose in my throat._

 _"What about your sisters? What about...Ella? Mina? Are you going to leave them behind too?"_

 _I halted in my steps, "They're better off without me. Mina almost died because of me. Mom did die because of me. " I clenched my fists together in anger and remorse, "It won't be happening again."_

 _I grabbed the door, then yanking it open, stepped out. He yelled after me, but I slammed the door behind me, with everything in me resolved to stay away. For the rest of my life._

* * *

 _Giving up didn't mean quite giving up. It still meant making sure everyone I loved was alive and well without me. Well, if I got there early enough to save them._

* * *

 _Coming back to Beacon Hills was not what I had in mind when I skipped town in the first place. And it was especially clear to me why I had left when some of Kate's clones found me outside of the police station._

 _"Look who it is," Beth said, "Derek's little lovesick puppy."_

 _"You realize we're not in high school anymore, right? The shit you're talking about no longer matters." I said, brushing past her._

 _"But you're still a lovesick puppy." She spat. I rolled my eyes at the comeback, still moving, trying to cut the visit as short as possible. I was here to hear the progress on my mom's case. That was it. I hadn't even let my family know I was here. I was supposed to be in and out. That's it. That's all._

 _Beth had other ideas. I heard her speak again behind me_ , _"It's too bad you didn't get to say goodbye though."_

 _I paused and turned. "Goodbye to who?"_

 _"That's right you don't know, do you?"_

 _"Know what?"_

 _"Your boyfriend, actually Kate's boyfriend," She snickered at that, noting how my eyes blazed with fire at her words. "Well...his house got into a fight with a fire. And spoiler alert: the fire won." Her last words came out in a whisper, but I'd heard her and the fire in my chest roared wildly._

 _I pounced. "Liar!" I screamed in anger and frustration, but her smug smirk just made me uneasy. If she was telling the truth…_

 _Arms came around my middle, pulling me off and all I saw was the beige uniform of the Sheriff, but I knew he wasn't enough to hold me back. He didn't need to though because I was too preoccupied with wanting to know if what she said was true. Where was Derek? Where was my best friend?_

 _I turned to him as she was pulled away from me, tears already streaming down my face, there was blood on hers and she was foolish for thinking she could get away without a scratch._

 _He nodded his head solemnly at my unspoken question, opening his mouth to continue but I didn't listen just ran. He called after me but I didn't turn._

 _I ran quickly to his house, still not wanting to believe it but once the burnt, blackened structure was standing right in front of me in all its gloom and despair, I could only accept the truth as it was. He was gone. My best friend, my first love, was gone. I would never again see his beautiful eyes, his gleaming smile, run my hands through his soft hair, feel his smooth, warm skin. The tears ran heavily now as I laid down in the dirt curled into myself, and it seemed they would never stop. The forest didn't comfort me now, it was only a reminder of the pain I felt knowing he was gone._

 _Hairs rose on my neck as I felt the tell tale sign of being watched, and I could've sworn I smelled his familiar scent but I pushed that thought far far back into the deep recesses of my mind because Derek was dead and he was never coming back. A cry of agony rose from me at that thought, and without thinking, I was a wolf again because it was so much easier to be an animal than allow myself to feel the pain._

 _Laura...Cora…Talia...Peter, all gone. Gone. Just like my Mom. And in that thought came some glimpse of hope. Because I knew exactly who to blame for the deaths of the ones I loved._

 _Kate Argent. And this time there was nothing standing in the way of making her pay._

* * *

 _Kate had been long gone by the time I showed up to her house, a house of hunters, a suicide mission. But I had been so hurt and so bent on revenge. A stupid thing, allowing emotions to rule my actions that way._

 _It wasn't like that anymore; I wasn't like that anymore because I couldn't afford to be. I was the Alpha now. Not an Alpha, the Alpha, and to keep that throne I couldn't let anyone get to me, period. Yet somehow, Derek Hale, even in his death, always found a way._

 _And this made a lot more sense once I found out that he was actually alive._


	2. Starting Over

Everything was exactly how I had left it. The air. The smell. Beacon Hills had not changed a lick. But I had. Who I was. What I would do. What I knew.

Like that Derek Hale was alive and kicking right in the place I swore I would never return to.

And that meant the Derek Hale I kept imagining had been real and not in my head, which ultimately meant he had a lot of fucking explaining to do.

 _I swung my hips from side to side., feeling the music flow through my veins with intensity. The alcohol wasn't helping my sanity, but I felt free for once, from all of my demons. No having to put on a face. No having to be evil, top-dog Alpha. Just a girl in a club, trying to dance her problems away, and having a damn good time doing it._

 _I was having so much fun in fact that when the man behind me moved close enough to touch me, I leaned into him instead of away and let his hands create a trail over my body. Let his lips press against the skin of my neck._

 _The warmth I blamed on the club. The breathing I blamed on the dancing. The shiver was I turned to see the man who was making me feel all kinds of sensations, his grey eyes created a shockwave through me that was nothing compared to what happened when he kissed me._

 _It was electricity. In my bones. In my blood. All from his lips. But it was familiar. Something about it was familiar. And I was calling out his name before I could question my mental state, "Derek?"_

I told myself it was just the alcohol. I told myself it was just grief. But it was him, and it wasn't the last time he paid me a visit. Always making me doubt myself, my sanity. But he was real, so now it was my turn to return the favor.

"We should go to Derek." The teenager told his friend eyeing me as they spoke. I picked at my nails boringly waiting for them to finish their conspicuous meeting as if I couldn't hear every word they said to each other.

It was kind of annoying, and I was restraining myself from skinning them both, but they knew Derek. They knew where he was, and I needed them for that.

"Why do we need to go to him?" The sarcastic boy whined back irritatingly.

"Because he knows a hell of a lot more about werewolves than you and I do combined." He dropped his voice to a whisper as if that would keep me from hearing. "Face it. We need his help. I don't know what to do with her."

I jumped in at this. "You don't have to do anything with her. _She_ is a grown woman who just saved both of your ungrateful asses."

Granted, there had been something different. A slithery, slimy, green lizard monster after the two tweens. I had growled it away; simple as that. Nothing more. Just a simple show of power, and it ran off with its tail between its legs. I really hadn't wanted to save the twerps, but here I was. And here they were. Trying to decide whether they should take me to their leader.

The one named Stiles' mouth had fallen agape, and he began to stutter. "We're—we're definitely grate—grateful. I mean—you—you're—you saved us and—this—this guy," he motioned to himself, "This guy...is totally grateful. Totally. Totally grateful."

I watched him the entire time, amused, my arms crossed over my chest.

He was...cute.

"Totally." I teased with a smirk nodding my head. He visibly gulped.

I turned to Scott next. "You're grateful too I'm guessing?"

He gulped, the same as his friend, when my eyes shone their primal red but nodded quickly. "Yeah, yeah I am."

I smiled at him. "Wonderful. Lucky for you, I'm curious about this Derek character you speak of, so let's go meet him." I chirped, clapping my hands together and moving towards the blue jeep.

I hopped straight into the back waiting for the two. They stood in front of the vehicle perplexed, staring at me through the windshield.

I smiled, waving at them. "You coming?"

They quickly composed themselves and without answering, shuffled into the front seat and sped off.


	3. Confrontation

Derek had upgraded, if staying in an abandoned subway station was better than a dilapidated house, I'd say he freaking moved up.

It was a short walk to the entrance, so I had little time to collect myself. Luckily, my poker face was the best of them all so when Derek met us halfway, there was no gasp or startle, just a cool, calm, and collected, "Miss me?" The full blown smirk was a nice touch.

I enjoyed the reaction: the widened eyes, the opening and closing mouth, the defensive front. Even his lapping puppy dog bared her teeth at me.

I ignored them both, looking over his new digs. It was dusty but not dirty. There was a lot of space, a few rooms that I could see in the back where I assumed his pack slept.

 _His pack. Ha. If they could even be called that. The children._

"What are you doing here?" I heard him at my back and finally turned.

"It's nice to see you too honey. It's been too long."

I looked over him next, noting the way his puppy growled at my examination.

"Kamina, what are you doing here?"

"Are you sure you don't want to ask something else Derek? Like how I know you're not dead."

He eyed me suspiciously, still standing stiffly in his place. "You're too calm about this. Why are you so calm about this?" I was happy to note the tinge of worry that coated his words.

"Well that's just because I've had a few days to work through it. I was just trying to decide when would be the perfect time to confront you about it—about you not being dead and all—and then I happened across these two lovely gentleman, and they just so happened to know you. Said you were an Alpha now. I just had to jump at the chance."

I was standing directly in front of him; his piercing grey eyes were still exactly the same. The full beard was a nice addition, but I still saw him there. Unchanged. Then again, I knew he wasn't. He was different, he had to be, but then again, so was I.

But still somehow not. Somehow I still felt for him and that joy was trying desperately to push past the anger.

Scott piped up behind me, but I still kept my focus on his eyes, the ones I thought were gone forever. "What are you talking about?"

"She thought I died in the fire." Derek explained, joining me in the staring contest.

My eyes watered at this information as I fought to appear unaffected. Still a tear slid down my cheek. I quickly swiped it away.

"But you're not dead though," Stiles shared.

"Obviously, Stiles. Obviously he's not dead. I'm standing here looking at the person who was supposed to be my best friend."

"What?" The boys gasped out. One whispered, "Derek has friends..?"

I ignored them. "But he couldn't possibly be my best friend because the Derek I knew would never, ever, let me go six years," I swallowed, "Six years thinking he was dead."

"I—" He started but I wouldn't let him speak. He had six years to do his talking; his time was up.

"So you couldn't possibly be him. You're a stranger to me, and not surprisingly," I stepped forward so my eyes levelled with his, "I hate you."

Silence followed my declaration, and I turned to leave; our reunion hadn't gone quite as planned. He pulled me back when yet another tear escaped and reached up to wipe it away. I turned my head so that he couldn't touch me.

He whispered out my name, separating us entirely from the rest of the world. His hand reached up again, laying on my cheek. "Kamina," His eyes pleaded for what his words could not say. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Ha!" I scoffed snatching away from him, "Well...mission failed."


	4. Bad Excuses

"Good morning." I greeted tiredly coming into the kitchen to a coffee-fueled Alan.

"Good morning. You seem to be in a good mood."

I took a seat at the table sighing and placing my head on my closed fists. "I should be, shouldn't I?" I asked. He looked at me questioningly. "I mean my best friend's alive. I should be ecstatic."

He smirked, "Besides the fact that you were in love with him for…"

I ignored his teasing, "I wasn't expecting this when I came back."

He moved over to me, wrapping me in a hug. "I know, but I'm just glad _you came_ back."

I smiled, pushing him away a little. I was still not a fan of hugs. "Me too."

"You're going to forgive him, and everything will go back to how it used to be." He predicted.

"I'm not sure about that." I sighed. "It hurt so much losing him and now that I have him back...it's just a big thing to get past."

"I tried to tell you," he began, "But you were…"

"I know." I said offering him a weak smile. "Sorry about that."

"It's fine. Just, this time, stay for awhile."

I sighed but didn't make any promises. "I'll think about it."

"How about breakfast?" He asked walking to the fridge.

"Sure.".

I recognized the sound of footsteps before the knock came so that I was already on my way to answer the door not realizing yet who it was. My fingers hovered above the doorknob as my mind made the connection.

"I know you're there, Kamina. Let me in."

"Why?" I snarked back. "For another information meeting?"

"Well you didn't tell me anything yesterday."

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you, Derek. Did you ever think about that?"

"And why not?" he asked suspiciously.

My blood boiled, and I yanked the door open to glare at him. "Because you lied to me!"

"I never lied to you." He declared.

"Yes you fucking did." My voice was deadly, and I could feel myself shaking in anger.

"I just want to know what you're doing here. This has nothing to do with you and me. Answer my questions, and we can go our separate ways."

That broke my heart, knocked all of the fight out of me, and I couldn't tell if he noticed, or even cared. It was the final blow. He'd said it himself; there was nothing between him and me. He just wanted information. That was it, so I gave it to him.

"I came back for my dad, Derek. That's it. I just so happened to find you alive and kicking on my way to him. And that has _nothing_ to do with you, so leave." I tried to push him back, but he wasn't budging.

"Your dad?"

"I think she means me," Alan clarified from his new position.

I turned back to Derek who still had a confused expression on his face. "He's the only person in my life that hasn't let me down yet, so I figured I could spare a few months and come visit him."

His eyes stared into my own, searching for more than that weak explanation—I mean I was calling Alan _Dad_ now—yet I forced myself to look away.

"Would you like to stay for breakfast?"

"What?" Our shrill voices mixed together in astonishment at Alan's question. Nevertheless, Derek's answer was yes—if only to annoy me—and he was invading my space again, like old times. I didn't know how to feel about that.

We ate in awkward silence except for Alan who was perfectly content to eat while Derek and I stared at our plates, pushing food around without consumption.

"Kamina," I locked eyes with the bald man, "Did you get a chance to meet my employee, Scott McCall? He helps out at the office with me."

"I did," I nodded. "I didn't know you were taking in strays, Dad. Was he a werewolf before or after he started working for you?"

"After," he admitted, raising his hands in surrender. "But I had nothing to do with it."

"Right," I chuckled, "Who turned him then?"

"Peter did." This came from Derek, still playing with his food beside me.

"Peter as in your Uncle Peter?"

He looked up at me, holding my gaze for a moment. "That's the one." And then he was back to looking at his plate.

"Why would he do that?"

"Revenge." Just that.

"And did Scott do something to warrant this revenge?"

"Not against Scott, against Kate."

I choked on the food I had just shoveled in my mouth and gulped down some water. "Kate as in your girlfriend Kate."

"It's been six years Kam. She's my ex-girlfriend. She killed most of my family." His hand clutched the fork he was holding, and I saw him begin to shake. I stared at him, wanting to help but knowing we weren't on the same level as we had been. He was not my best friend anymore.

Suddenly, his head was snapping up towards me. "Don't say I told you so. I really don't need to hear that right now."

I didn't back down from his eyes. "I'm not as cruel as you seem to think I am." And I turned away. Silence followed his outburst, and we went back to scraping plates and awkward conversations. When the front door opened, I breathed a sigh of relief only to clam up again. It was the reunion I had been dreading. My sisters walked in arm-in-arm and smiling, but when we locked eyes their whole faces dropped.

I pretended that didn't hurt.

"What are you doing here?"

I scoffed. "That seems to be the popular question." I shot a scowl to Derek who was passively watching the show then turned back. "I'm just visiting."

"We don't want you here." This came from little Mina who had done some growing up in the past few years. We all had.

"Well Minnie Mouse, I didn't think that would be the case. I thought there would be a welcome parade and a block party all in my honor. Guess I was mistaken."

"Don't call me that." She snapped, and I stilled. Our eyes met and did not move. I thought very seriously that she hated me—after all, it was the last thing she had said to me—and I had to pretend that I didn't care. Not me. Not the Alpha.

I turned from her to Elle who was stock still as well. "What about you, Ella? Are you feeling any more welcoming than our younger sister?"

She did not, or could not, answer me just stood frozen.

"So you two have adopted an 'I hate Kam' team?" Silence. "Well let's wait awhile maybe then you can tell how little fucks I give."

That snapped us all out of it, and more than one person was saying my name in reprimand. One of them was my older sister.

"Ella! You're alive!"

She squinted her eyes suspiciously at me trying to search for an emotion I would not show. "Why did you come visit us?"

"I was just feeling a little nostalgic thought I'd make a trip home, but I was not expecting this kind of welcome. Honestly, it hurts a little."

"Well, you left. Are we supposed to make a big fuss because you came back?"

"Maybe a little celebration would be nice." I pinched my fingers together to show her the tiny bit I had been expecting.

"You didn't even come back for mom's funeral." Mina raged, stepping forward hands in fist.

My face dropped in anger right along with her. "I didn't want to bury an empty casket." My teeth gritted.

"We needed you here." She growled. "Where were you?"

I looked away. "A little of here. A little of there."

"Well, you can go right back where you came from." Mina demanded.

"Mina!" This from Alan and Ella combined.

"No. She left! We would have been better off if she had just stayed away."

When she was finished, the room fell silent. The pity from everyone was drowning me, so I stood to my feet slowly. The worry that came when I moved from every single one of my family members pained me, that they thought I would hurt her.

Instead, I laughed, burying all of those emotions they didn't need to see. "Well, tell me how you really feel."

This only made her angrier. "I already did. Should I say it again?"

I stopped right in front of her, bending down to her level, and smirked. "Do your worst."

"I hate you, and I don't care if you leave and I never see you again." The fire in her eyes was so genuine right along with the tears she was trying to hold back. I searched in her brown orbs for any sign of what we used to be but I could see none, so I settled for repeating the phrase I had when she caught me escaping this small town years ago.

I smiled and I said, "I understand."

Derek did not leave like I thought he would. He only left when I did and he followed me: through the streets, through the trees, all the way to his house in the woods.

"Looks like you have a little catching up to do, huh Kam?"

"Yeah, six years' worth. I don't think I'll ever quite catch up like I should, like I need to."

"You know she doesn't really hate you." I closed my eyes, ignoring him and letting the sun wash over my face. "She's just a kid. She'll get over it."

My eyes fluttered open at that, and I regarded him lazily. "Is that what I'm supposed to do? Get over it?"

"That's not—"

"You don't just get over being abandoned by someone you love, Derek. You don't just get over being lied to." I closed my eyes again and turned back to the sky. "She doesn't have to get over it. I understand her, and if she has to hate me, then I'll let her. I can't try to change how she feels because I was wrong. I shouldn't have left like that, but neither should you."

"Someone killed my family, had already killed your mom. I didn't want you to be caught in the line of fire again because of me."

I snapped on him, pushing a finger into his chest. "Whatever happened to my mom, that's on Kate Argent. No one else. Do you understand?" I had to repeat the same thing to myself for years before I finally believed it.

Derek nodded his understanding, and I lowered my finger, backing away from him. He grabbed my hand before I could get completely away, and I let him pull me towards him.

"I'm sorry," he finally admitted. "For everything."

His hand came up to my cheek, and I turned away. I could feel him staring at me, but I let my sight trace the trees rather than look at his face. He was too close to me. It felt wonderfully familiar and surreal to be in his arms, but I wouldn't let myself cherish this moment because I had to be strong and tough and unfeeling, as an Alpha should be.

"Thanks for the apology, but I didn't need it."

"I didn't do it because you needed it."

"I was just fine when I thought you were dead. I moved on. I got better, stronger."

"And you let go of everything that you cared about." He added. "I know. I was there."

"Yeah, and you played a part in the wanting to feel nothing."

He sighed, "Really Kamina, what happened to you? Now you're pushing your own family away."

"I was already doing that in the beginning."

"Not Mina. Not your little sister."

I inhaled, turning my face to see his eyes. "Well, Derek, I lost my mother and my best friend." I patted his chest and pushed away. "Tends to change a person."

"You didn't lose me." He insisted as I walked further away from him.

I stopped and gave him the courtesy of facing him as I answered. "But I thought I did, and it's just as worse because you let me believe that. You let me believe that you were dead."

"I was trying to keep you safe."

"You were being a coward, and I didn't need your protection." I turned then to continue my exit, but I heard his feet sound behind me. "And I definitely don't need it now." Then I ran away without the company of my old friend.


	5. Honesty

The sky was dark but the stars were shining on us. On me and my older sister trying to pry answers out of me. I laid on my back, arm over face so that I couldn't see the view. I'm sure it was magnificent.

"So why are you really back? I know you didn't come to visit, and you're calling Alan _dad_ now? What happened with that?"

"Well if you must know I have decided to disown Henry, and I think no one else deserves the title more than Alan." I refused to look at her, acknowledge her.

"So I take it you saw his new family?"

"And his redecoration of the house. Two things you already knew judging from your tone."

"Yes, I knew."

"I figured. And yes, you didn't tell me."

"There was nothing to tell. You loved him, and that was all that mattered."

"Out of all the times you wanted me to join your ' _I hate Henry_ ' bandwagon telling me he had erased our whole existence probably would have helped." I pulled angrily at the grass.

"I did want you to know Kam, but you didn't see your face every time he answered the phone. You were always so ecstatic."

"I wasn't, and I could've taken it. Again, someone trying to protect me when I didn't need protection."

"That's what you do with the people you love Kamina. Protect them."

I guffawed. "Love. What a concept!"

"That's what you're doing now. That's why you left."

"Cute theory. I'm not sure it would hold up in court though."

"Kamina." She scolded.

"Ella!" I stood up and brushed the potential grass stains off my clothing. "While I would love to sit here and continue to hypothesize with you, I have to be...anywhere else."

I walked but her voice brought me back. "Kamina, don't run away. I know why you came back. I just want to hear you say it."

"Okay." I inhaled. Exhaled. "I think you're delusional, and that we should get you to a mental hospital immediately."

"Kamina, stop, I know you," Ella said.

I laughed drily. "No, you don't. You just think you do. You don't know what I've done." I began walking again. Her words stopped me.

"I know what you have to do to get those red eyes." She said, voice quivering. "I wish you didn't feel the need to go out and get big and strong to protect us. I wish you didn't feel like you had to grow up so much sooner than you were supposed to. That was my job.

"You think I don't know you but I know everything about you. I know you love the boy you push away. You blame yourself for Mom. You still love Dad. You're sarcastic and brave and loving, but you're insecure and lonely and hurt, and that's why you came back because you felt yourself straying too far from who you are. You needed to be reminded what love was, what family was, and what they meant to you."

I let the silence last but for a moment before I laughed out loud. I stalked back to her slowly, red eyes shining. "I disagree respectfully with your theory. I did not come back for nor do I care about you or anyone else." I smiled tauntingly at her, reveling in the fear. Maybe this time she would get the message. I was not to be fixed because I could not be. I had waited too long to come back. I had succumbed to the animal inside, and it would be better for her, for everyone, to stay away.

I left her with one last thing, "And love, that's no longer in my vocabulary."


	6. Information

I crept into the room slowly, hearing signs of a struggle, seemed I was interrupting a training session. The pups were coming at Derek with novice moves, and I thought it would be nothing but fun to spar with him again aka, kick his ass in the dirt. But before I got the chance, he was yelling at the juveniles, telling them not to be so predictable, pushing for more, the always wonderful and patient teacher. Then, blonde bimbo was racing towards him, lips pursed, kissing him with tongue and teeth, inexperienced and infuriating.

I spoke up when her ass hit the ground after Derek had thrown him off her. "The lip bite was a bit much, wasn't it sweetie?"

She growled, "Like you could do any better."

"In the fighting or the kissing?" She opened her mouth but I answered without her retort. "Either way, in both, I've done better and can still do better than you. You're not there yet. Give it time." Her face went red. "Anyway, I'm not here to talk to you. I'm here to talk to your boss."

Derek's arms were bursting out of his white t-shirt, and for extra measure to the girl who was still staring daggers through my soul, I purred at the outfit. The blonde was on her feet in the next second until Derek boomed, "Get out," and the three loyal pups dashed away, but not without a glare from the frosty queen.

"What are you doing here?"

"Man, that question is always on the tip of your tongue, isn't it? Maybe I just wanted to train with you. It's been a long time since we sparred together."

"That's not it. You said you needed to talk to me."

I pouted, walking towards him. "You're no fun."

"What is it?" he demanded.

I sighed but started talking,"So there's this thing running around. Green. Lizardy. Big. I wanted to know if you had any idea about what it is? Or, even better, how to kill it?"

One of his eyebrows shot up in question. "And why would you need to know that? I thought you only came back for Alan."

"Yeah, well, this thing came after me last night, so I'm not so friendly about its existence anymore."

He cleared his throat and took a step towards me. "Are you okay?"

I pushed it off — the concern was unwelcome — and shrugged. "I'll survive. It won't."

"What happened?"

"Nothing much. I just got in its way." I shivered at the memory of its scales sliding against my skin. "I just need whatever information you've got tucked away in your head." I tapped my own for emphasis.

He pursed his lips, looking up at the ceiling, thinking. "Okay. I'll tell you what I know."

For once, I was surprised at his maturity. "Thanks—"

"After you beat me."

"Seriously?" I huffed. "I thought you didn't want to fight me."

"I never said that." His smirk, as always, was cute and infuriating. "I just wanted the truth out of you first."

"Why do I have to beat you, though? Why can't you tell me what I want to know and then we just spar for fun?"

"Because that's the deal. You win. You get what you want. I win. I get what I want."

"And what do you want?"

He smirked, cracking his knuckles. "You'll see."

"It's always about competition with you." I sighed, but internally, I smiled. I could beat him with one hand tied behind my back, and I'm surprised he didn't know that by now. "Okay," I agreed. "Let's go.

I stood still with no stance, no fists, and waited for him to come at me. When he did, I side-stepped, swerved, danced behind him. I never hit him, only dodged his attacks. His breaths of frustration were invigorating, exciting, and funny as hell. But I made the mistake of laughing too hard at his struggle and in the next second, he was tackling me.

"Get off me, you idiot." I said, yet I was laughing. The giggles wouldn't stop at his ineptitude, at our position, at this reminder of the past. But while I saw the humor in the situation, Derek had gone stoic.

"Kamina," he breathed, and I felt my breath still.

"Derek." I croaked out. His lips were so close.

"Do you remember this feeling?" I let out a shaky breath at the memories that came flooding back with his question.

"Are you uncomfortable, Kamina?" He whispered, teasing me. One of his hands slid down my left arm as he laid on top of me snaking down to my waist, sliding behind my back, pressing me closer to him.

"Me this close to you. Your heart beating out of your chest." It was funny how he could still make me weak.

"I knew a long time ago how much I meant to you." My heart hardened at his words, and I pushed against him, flipping us over. The change in power surprised him, but the glaze in his eyes was still present. I made my words quick so that I could stop touching him, so that my mind could receive some clarity.

"I win."

I climbed off of him, brushing the dust off my hands and rising to my feet.

"Now, tell me about that thing."

He sat up, bracing his hands behind him. "I just know he has paralyzing venom, and his only intention has been to kill."

"Well, thanks for confirming that we know the exact same thing. You've been real helpful." I made for the door, but he piped up behind me.

"You know, I really just wanted to see how strong you were now. See what I was up against."

I turned to see him standing, crossing his arms again. "And?"

"You're strong." He admitted, "But that still doesn't mean you should go up against that thing alone."

There was the concern again, slapping me in the face. He really got to pick and choose when he cared about me and when he couldn't care less.

"I'll be fine," I grunted out.

"Kamina," he called when I turned from him. "Don't be stubborn. There's nothing wrong with having help."

"There is when it comes from you."

"Maybe together we can kill the thing."

"I don't need your help to kill anything. I'm pretty well-versed in the act." I turned just enough so he could glimpse my red eyes, and I made my exit. "Let me know if you find out anything else."


	7. Abomination

The pool room was warm and sticky, and I wondered why out of all places, evil would congregate at a high school. My question was answered in the next second with the sources of all supernatural activity: The Three Musketeers.

The scene looked dismal. Derek was down and out, paralyzed from the neck down. Stiles was utterly human, so there was no way he could go up against anything with claws. And little Scottie was close to getting his head ripped off, though he was trying his hardest to fend it off. Luckily for them, we had a mutual enemy and I was feeling particularly courageous tonight.

It was easy enough to catch the thing off guard — as hell-bent as it was to kill Scott. I snuck behind it and threw the thing aside, narrowly rescuing Scott's neck. My eyes stayed on the green monster, but I couldn't resist teasing the teen who was staring at me with wide, thankful eyes, "What's up, Scottie? Miss me?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Same as you." I smiled and cocked my head. "Being the hero."

The lizard was back on its feet in no time, stalking towards us, tongue slithering threateningly. It was disgusting.

"Kamina, get out of here! What are you doing?"

"Shut up Derek. I'm good with leaving you, but the wonder twins would appreciate my help."

"Yeah Derek, shut up!" Stiles was on my side, scooting further away from the fight and I smiled at the loyalty. Derek growled in response but had no choice but to sit back and be saved.

I looked to Scott to be sure he was with me, and he nodded his head once, before we charged.

Going toe-to-toe with this thing was tiring, even for me. Scott was keeping up nicely, though he fell more than once. He was still next to me, giving it all he had. And like the brilliant guy he was, he became the hero to save us all.

I kept my distance from the thing, so I wouldn't be paralyzed again. I didn't like the helpless feeling that came with it, but once I jumped back to avoid his claws, he rained down on Scott. He tripped the boy with his tail climbing over him with bared teeth, and Scott was just barely pushing him back. But then he picked up a piece of glass and that thing saw its reflection. It was curious at first, confused, and then it was running away, taking a detour through the roof and glass was raining down on Derek and Stiles, who I, so bravely, pulled out of the way.

"It's a kanima."

"Oh! Like Kamina," I snarled at Stiles, and he held his hands up in apology, "Not the same, different. Ya know, a little different?"

I rolled my eyes at him and turned back to Derek. "What else?"

"It's not behind the steering wheel. Someone or something is controlling it. A master."

"And how do we kill it?"

"I have no 's all I know. I only thought of it by the way it reacted to its own reflection."

"Well what'd you find out Scottie boy? I know you were looking for something."

"We found the bestiary." He shared.

And we all smiled in victory.

"But it's in another language."

"Well that's...terrific." I sighed hand to eyes. "Wonderful."

"We just...need a different plan." Scott reassured.

"I have a plan." Derek said. "To kill that thing. " And for once we agreed.


	8. Past Truths

I drove Derek home because his paralysis was still a bit worrying, but escorting him inside was a poor decision on my part.

"What were you thinking?" He grabbed my arm to keep me from leaving, but there wasn't anything I wanted him to say to me.

I pulled away from him. "I was thinking that I wanted to kill the son of a bitch, and now I'm thinking I want to go home."

"You went at him alone."

"I wasn't alone. Scottie Pippen was there with me."

"Scott is not the kind of help you needed. He wasn't prepared to do what was necessary."

"That's no way to talk about him. He saved you, didn't he?" I smirked.

"That's not the point. It wasn't safe for you to—"

"Don't lecture me on safety, Derek."

"Someone needs to. How often do you do stupid shit like that just to prove you're big and strong?"

I looked to the ceiling. "Pretty damn often."

"It's not funny, Kam. It's your life!"

"Don't pretend like you care." I scoffed. "I'm gonna go."

"Stop. No, you're not." He grabbed my arm and held on. "I'm being serious, and you need to listen."

"The hell I do." I tried to snatch away, but he wasn't giving in easily. "Let go of me." The growl was a warning, but he ignored it.

"You can't pretend like you're invincible Kam. You're not."

"I don't see how you think you have the right to tell me anything."

"Because I care about you. Because I was your best friend."

"Pssh, you were a stranger."

"You can't be serious."

I snatched my arm from his grip, tired of the hassling and wanting him to really hurt. "A stranger," I repeated slowly. "Hell, maybe you killed Paige on purpose. I wouldn't know. I never knew you."

His face went pale. "Don't fucking say that to me Kamina."

I ignored him. "I wish you would've just died in that house."

He growled through gritted teeth. "I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that."

My blood was pumping now with malice, directing all of the pain back on this man who had caused me so much. I had gone too far, and so I took a dive off the deep end. "We were always good at pretending, weren't we? Pretending I didn't love you. Pretending that I could stand you with Paige. Pretending you weren't alive. Pretending. Pretending. Pretending. That's all there's ever been with us."

"That's not true, Kamina, and you know it."

I scoffed crossing my arms. "I know that if you believe that you're lying to yourself."

"We loved each other Kay."

"The hell we did."

His nostrils flared, arms dropping to his sides and hands balling into fists. "Stop it. Stop acting like that."

"Like what?" I laughed maniacally. "Realizing that our whole friendship, our whole relationship, was a _big, fat_ joke!"

He snatched me up in his arms at my last word, smashing our mouths together. I didn't respond to him, fighting with everything in me to remain fueled by that anger that had started my mouth spouting hurtful words in the first place. The hate was gradually melting to the other side of the line I couldn't allow myself to cross.

I freed myself for a second. "Get off me." I mumbled. "Get off me, you jackass."

His lips silenced my words. He pressed further into me, and my body was screaming at the struggle, wanting so badly to give in. He was doing it again, making me forget everything: all the crying, all the lonely nights. Tears were streaming down my face. My heart felt broken. My mind was torn. Yet, I clutched onto his shirt with all the strength in me and pulled him closer.

"Derek," I moaned out and his tongue delved into my mouth. My fingers combed and pulled at his short locks and his hand arched my back bringing our cores closer. I held him felt good. It felt too good: the saltiness of my tears mixed with the sweet taste of his tongue; the feel of his strong muscles pressed to my soft curves; the sound of his pleased groaning mixing with my own moans. God, Derek Hale was absolute perfection.

He lifted me so that my legs wrapped around his waist, his hands smoothed down my spine to my butt giving it a firm squeeze and pulling me towards him so that I could feel just how excited and big he really was.

"Kammy," he whispered hoarsely; I pulsated under his touch and his voice had been the thing to seal the deal.

My hand slid under his t-shirt feeling the hardness of his chest and abs, the smoothness there, and I sighed against him. I wanted to feel him, all of him. My claws extracted before I could stop myself and strips of white fell away from his body so that I could finally see the masterpiece before me. He was magnificent. Creamy and delicious.

I had no inclination to stop, but a fail-safe in my mind did it for me. The word was coming out of my mouth without my recognizing it. "Stop. Stop!"

I pushed him off, and my ass hit the floor painfully. I hopped up, backing away from him, trying to collect my thoughts. "We can't do this. I can't do this with you."

"Kamina, I love you. It's not—This means something to me."

I was hyperventilating. I couldn't calm down. My mind was racing. "It's not about that. I know it does. I just can't. I can't do this with you again."

"What's wrong?" His eyes were pleading. "Tell me."

"I can't be with you when you've hurt me so… My life was so wrapped up in you. I loved you more than I could say, but I needed you and you hid from me, and I became this evil...monster. I look at myself in the mirror, and I don't even recognize the person there anymore."

A sob left me as I breathed harshly. I couldn't control this pain that was welling up inside me, that I had buried so long ago. It was rushing up my throat like vomit, and I couldn't push it down again.

"Kamina, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"You never mean to do anything Derek, but you always do. I can't go through that pattern again, of you hurting me, of me hurting others. I can't. Sometimes I wish..."

"What?"

"Sometimes I wish you had just stayed dead." My words were honest, not meant to hurt him, but it was something I realized with startling clarity, that was painfully true. It was easier then to rebuke love, to behave like a monster because the world had taken so much from me. But knowing he was back meant I had a reason to live, meant that I could be good, yet I didn't know how to do that while being reminded of all the pain that came with him being gone. Not just what I felt but what I caused.

I caused a lot of pain. "I'm going home." I squeaked out miserably.

"To Alan?" When I looked up at him, his face was angry, livid.

My face scrunched up in confusion. "I'm just going home Derek. Not _to_ anyone."

"I don't see how you can call him a father when he cheated on your mother." He gritted out angrily. "He was fucking my mom behind her back, but you still think you can rely on him?"

My head was spinning from the flurry of emotions now rushing through my body. Alan was unfaithful? Derek knew? Why was he telling me now?

My breath was panting out of me, and my vision was blurring from the overload. I needed to go. Derek seemed to realize his error of judgment a little too late, so that he was reaching out for me after I had already made it through the door.


	9. Old Lies

" _You like my son, don't you?" My heartbeat sped up. My mouth fell open. If she didn't already know the answer to her question, she did now. "And by what I hear, you like him a lot."_

 _I shook my head, blushing from cheek to cheek. "You can't tell him."_

" _Don't worry, I won't. Us girls have to stick together. But you should know...I think he likes you too."_

That had been Talia Hale and I in a nutshell. She had been the mom who was also my friend, but now she was just another of the people who had betrayed me, and she was dead. But Alan was not, so he would explain it to me.

I was sat in his kitchen, at the island, while he was cooking, back to me, unsuspecting.

"I learned something new today." Taking me back to younger days of high school and ignorance. "About you and Talia Hale."

He stiffened but did not turn. Still, I knew he would tell me the truth. We were at a point where he would no longer lie to me, no longer sugarcoat. The truth was the truth, and I knew he would tell me.

"And what was that?"

"Something about you two, together, behind my mom's back." I was drawing patterns on the counter with my fingers, there physically but trying not to be.

"I met Talia before your mother. I knew her for longer, and it started before I met Stella. I fell in love with your mom, and I fell deeper in love with her as we spent years together, but Talia had always been the only woman I saw. But she was busy being an alpha so—"

"You settled for my mom."

"I didn't settle. I loved your mom with all my heart, and what Talia and I had could never take away from that."

"Did she know?"

"No, she never did. I'm glad about that. I'm not sure if I should be, but I'm glad she died thinking that I loved her and her alone."

"Would you ever have told us?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't see a reason to hurt you, too. They're both gone now, and I wanted that secret to die with them."

I hummed, not looking at him.

"I'm sure I can guess who told you."

"I'm sure you could." I pushed myself up from my seat, having heard enough.

"I wish you didn't know." He said, making me stop.

"To a point, I do too. But to another point, the truth always comes out eventually."

"Will you stay?" He said, "Despite this."

"Despite this, you're still the most honest man I know." And to his previous question, I answered honestly, "I don't know."

The overload of information had made me tired, and I felt that I was fed up with the narrative that kept leaving me disappointed and let down. There was a lot of explanation that still made no sense to me, but maybe there was nothing he could say that would help me understand. He had told me the truth. I respected that, but to me, he was still just another person who had let me down.

And the poster child for the cause of my pain was now standing in front of me, ready to beg for forgiveness I had no room in me to give. "Kammy, I didn't mean to tell you like that. It just slipped out."

"I know why you told me, Derek." He squinted his eyes but listened carefully. "You told me because you thought it was unfair that Alan could get away with lying to me and you couldn't."

"That's not—"

"It's because you wanted me to show you the same devotion and forgiveness that you thought I would show him."

"No, Kamina. I just wanted you to know the truth. I never meant to tell you like that."

"The truth," I hummed. "You didn't care about the truth. You either wanted to hurt me or you wanted me to forgive you. Those are the only two options. There was no other reason for you to have told me about them in the way that you did. So what was it Derek? Did you want to hurt me? Did you want to hurt me because I refused to forgive you for causing me so much pain?"

"No." He grabbed for my hands and squeezed. My face remained unemotional, but everything seemed shattered inside. Confusion was the most prominent emotion I felt, that and sadness. That was beating down so much in that moment that all I wanted to do was crawl into bed.

"Please I never meant for that to come up. I don't know what I wanted, but I never meant for you to be hurt. I wanted you to know though. It was important to me for you to know the truth about him."

"The truth was that Alan loved your mom just like I loved you, and that none of us were destined to ever have a happy ending." I slipped my hands from his, suffocating, lost, so deeply hurt. It was a strange pain. An ending, it seemed. Like I was shutting the door on what we could be, yet I saw no other way of healing from every cut he caused. I saw no other way for me to move on than by letting this possibility of us go. Completely.

He tried to stop me, but I was already gone.


End file.
